The questioner is you, and it really is about the first question and your attitude going into it.
If you could (and perhaps should) preface it with “Oh, that’s interesting!”, that’s asking/curiosity. If there’s an implied “Seriously?”, it’s questioning/judgement. Never mind analysing the words, the tone will be very different. And if it might help (for example in contexts where tone doesn’t carry), make it explicit.
It's more about the perceived tact of positioning the question, rather than the pursuit of the answer, isn't it?
If someone "came across as questioning" then yeah they'd be questioning, but that largely depends on how it's interpreted by the receiver, wouldn't it? Wouldn't it???
Another book recommendation (the Chris Voss book someone recommended in another thread is great too): Gervase Bushe’s Clear Leadership.
Curiosity is great, and it does lead to answers, but often it’s helped if it’s balanced by descriptiveness, in which you describe where you’re coming from – what you observe, how you’re experiencing it, etc. Skilful questioners move easily between the two, reducing defensiveness or anxiety. Particularly important where there’s a power imbalance.
> describe where you’re coming from – what you observe, how you’re experiencing it, etc.
This is a pet peeve of mine. I'm astonished by the entitlement of superiors asking blind questions like “When will it finish?” Well, the finishing time doesn't exist in a vacuum, so if you had told me why you were asking, I could have answered properly. Rest of the dialog goes like this:
- It will finish in 10 days.
- But we need it at the end of this week for such and such reason.
- (Thinking “Why don't you fucking tell me that first.”) OK, we can prioritize it then. No problem.
The questioner is you, and it really is about the first question and your attitude going into it.
If you could (and perhaps should) preface it with “Oh, that’s interesting!”, that’s asking/curiosity. If there’s an implied “Seriously?”, it’s questioning/judgement. Never mind analysing the words, the tone will be very different. And if it might help (for example in contexts where tone doesn’t carry), make it explicit.