I wonder what John Gottman would say? My guess is he would recommend something like this: https://www.gottman.com/blog/manage-conflict-the-art-of-comp..., https://www.gottman.com/blog/two-views-every-conflict-valid/, https://www.gottman.com/blog/for-better-or-for-worse-conflic..., or https://www.gottman.com/blog/overcoming-gridlocked-conflict/.

This is surprisingly, to me at least, a mostly solved problem. When I started having conflicts with my wife over similar issues I dug into the research and found that most of this is surprisingly easy, in principle. In practice it's a lot harder but reading a handful of books goes a long way.